If Love was Fair Read online

  Emily crossed the room and plopped her ass on the edge of my desk.

  “How about we grab some greasy ass burgers and share a basket of fries down at Jenny’s?” She nibbled her bottom lip, most likely hoping I’d say yes.

  “I don’t know…” I turned my head to catch the sun starting to set one last time.

  Emily slapped a hand down on my leg.

  “Get your shit and come on.” She stood from her perched position. “I’m not taking no for an answer. I know today’s the anniversary of a really shitty time in your life and I want to make it better. So stop being a pain in the ass and let me do the best friend thing by filling your belly full of delicious food and loads of alcohol.”

  A chuckle rolled up my throat. “If I have no choice…” I teased.

  She narrowed her eyes. “You’re damn straight you have no choice.” With her index finger, she pointed at my butt and then upward. “Now, ass up.”

  I rolled my eyes with the largest grin I could muster up across my face and locked my desk before slipping the key into my purse. I stopped mid-step and quickly leaned over to pull my email back up. A small smile tugged at my lips as the photos from Stacey popped into my inbox.

  “What are you doing?” Emily groaned.

  I flipped her the bird and dialed Stacey’s extension.

  “H-hello,” she nervously answered.

  “Thank you for the images, Stacey. You can go home for the rest of the day, with pay.” I tried to sound a helluva lot nicer than our previous conversation.

  “Are you sure?” Her voice was small.

  I hated that I made her terrified of me. I’m not a mean person, and damn sure didn’t want anyone under me thinking I’d bite their head off at the drop of a dime.

  “Yes, I’m sure. It’s getting late and you’ve sent me what I needed.”

  She exhaled slowly. “Thank you so much! Today’s my boyfriend’s birthday and I wanted to surprise him, but didn’t want to ask if I could leave early.”

  The excitement in her voice made me feel like a complete asshole for the way I’d treated her earlier. Yes, she was behind schedule getting me the photos but she was rather new at the company and just learning how to multi-task.

  I squeezed my eyes shut to block out Emily’s ridiculous running man dance. She was always trying to get me to laugh when on business calls. “Stacey, if you ever have something you need to do, just ask me. If there isn’t anything major going on, I don’t mind.”

  “Thank you.”

  “No, thank you. Now have a good night.”

  “You, too, Arbor.”

  As much as I wanted to have a good night, the date was pulsing in my mind and I knew the only way to block out the heartache involved mass amounts of alcohol so I could pass out and actually get some sleep. But those weren’t options on the table, due to that fashion article I was giving Stacey shit about being due in eighteen hours.

  I placed the phone on its base and rubbed the heart locket between my fingers that hung around my neck. I rarely opened it to look at the photos, and I knew now wasn’t the time to be one of those rare occasions. Emily would’ve dropkicked me out the large glass windows I loved gazing out of.

  She hated to see me in pain, probably because she’d seen me at my lowest. But what she didn’t understand was how I could block it away three hundred sixty-four days out of the year, but not on the three hundred sixty-fifth. Emily hadn’t been scarred with the darkest parts of life. Her parents were alive, but lived just outside Chicago. She’d never lost a best friend, classmate, or anyone else that had been close enough to her to leave a gaping hole. She’d been lucky, whereas I hadn’t been.

  Her abundance of happiness and goofy antics were part of what drew me to her. I needed the light when my darkness began creeping in…she was that light.

  The warmth of her hand on my bare arm broke my trance. “Did you hear a thing I just said?”

  I shook my head and brought my eyes to hers. “Sorry, I spaced out for a sec there.”

  “Yeah, you did.” Her voice softened.

  “Sorry…” I diverted my eyes to shut my computer down. “Can you repeat what you said?”

  Emily let out a sad sigh. “If you don’t want to go, we can go back to our place and indulge in mass amounts of rocky road and a couple bottles of wine.”

  A sharpness filled my chest and I closed my eyes. Emily was trying to be the person to help me get through the shitty day that came around once a year, and I was too caught up in the shitty day to allow her to. Last year I’d ran off for a week straight so I could sulk by my lonesome in a hotel just north of Indianapolis, but this year I’d told myself there was no more running. But standing in my office, with the decision to let Emily take me out or not, was making me wish I’d ran for the hills again.

  “Okay,” I quickly replied before I changed my mind. “Take me to Jenny’s.” I slipped my purse on my shoulder and extended my hand.

  Emily quickly locked her hand with mine and pulled me into her arms. “I love you, Arbor. I’m sorry you have to deal with this day every year. It isn’t fair. And I’ll help you through it for the rest of my life as long as you’ll have me.”

  Tears pricked my eyes and I cleared my throat to choke them back.

  “You mean I have to deal with your crazy ass for the rest of my life?” I huffed. “I’m getting the shit end of the deal here.”

  Emily erupted with laughter and gave me a squeeze.

  “There’s that fiery girl I’ve grown to love.” She dropped her arms and smiled. “Let’s go put ourselves in food comas, but first, change your mismatched shoes.”

  I glanced down at my feet and fell into a fit of laughter as I walked over to the couch on the opposite side of my office and slipped out of my flats and into a pair of black pumps.

  A short trip down the elevator with a couple hundred steps down the sidewalk, and we pushed through the double glass doors that led to Jenny’s. Loud chatter filled the room as a smiling redhead greeted us at the door. We followed her to a booth tucked beside the bar. I let out a slow, deep breath, hoping Emily didn’t notice. But as my eyes roamed the room and connected with her narrowed ones, I knew she’d noticed.

  “We just got here…” she groaned. “Please tell me you’re not on the verge of bailing already.”

  A small smile tugged the corners of my lips. “I don’t want to lie to you…” I diverted my eyes to two guys that had just taken a seat at the bar.

  Emily’s silence was enough for me to know she’d caught my line of vision, so I didn’t bother continuing the conversation. I knew the shit storm she was most likely brewing in that head of hers, and the only thing I could do was throw a warning glare her way before she could put her plan into play.

  “What?”

  “Don’t what me, Emily.”

  “What can I get you to drink?” The redhead stopped at the end of the table with a pen and pad.

  “I’ll take the tallest draft you have. Doesn’t matter which kind.”

  “Margarita on the rocks,” Emily rambled off without breaking her stare from the two guys at the bar. “The biggest one of those you have, by the way.” She gave the redhead a brief smile and went back to guy stalking.

  This was bad…very bad.

  “I’m not playing…” I leaned over the table and dropped my voice a couple octaves. “The last thing I want to do is try and pretend to give two shits about some dick in a bar. Don’t do that to me…not tonight.”

  “Okay, okay.” Emily held her hands up in surrender. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  I narrowed my eyes and bit down on my molars, making a thin line with my lips.

  “I’m serious.” She covered my hand with her own.

  “Okay…” I sat back against the plush cushion and closed my eyes.

  The darkness behind my eyelids was soothing as the chatter of the bar wrapped around the room. A clank startled me and I quickly opened my eyes to find my beer sitting before me on the tabl
e.

  “Ready to order?” The redhead’s smile didn’t falter as she took me in.

  “I’ll take a bacon cheddar burger with a side of fries.”

  “Ditto.” Emily extended the menu she never opened toward her.

  “They’ll be out in just a few. If you need anything my name’s Jess, just give me a shout.”

  “Thank you.”

  I took large gulps of beer and a content smile settled on my lips from the ice cold soothing taste. Most people hated beer, or slowly became acquainted to it, but not me. I’d enjoyed the taste ever since I took my first drink at the young age of ten when my father wasn’t looking, and pretty much every time I ran across one after that. The thought alone had me chuckling from the memory of my father’s face when he caught me turning up his God awful hot Sterling beer he’d left unattended one night he was working out in the garage. My father loved working on cars; those were the main memories that flooded my mind when I thought about him. He let me turn the wrench when he needed it turned, but he always tightened it like it was supposed to be. He was the best father I could’ve asked for; I just wished he hadn’t been taken from me before we could create the memory of him walking me down the aisle. But life wasn’t fair…and I’d learned that on far too many occasions.

  “What’cha thinking about?” Emily’s voice broke through my thoughts.

  “My father,” I instantly admitted.

  “I wish I’d gotten to meet him.” She grinned.

  “I do, too.” I laughed. “He would’ve enjoyed your crazy ass sense of humor.”

  “Really?” She beamed with happiness.

  “Definitely.” I took another large gulp of beer. “My mother would’ve also.”

  Emily’s smile faltered for a split second at the mention of my mother. I knew she’d had hard times with hers, but she’d never spoken much about their situation, and I didn’t push her to tell me. That would have to come on her own time. It’s hard to talk about a situation in your life until you’re ready to. So I’d sit back and wait until she was ready.

  “I might not have the best relationship with my parents now, but I can’t imagine losing them both like you have.”

  “It’s…” I paused, trying to think of the right word to describe how it made me feel. “Odd.” A humorless laugh passed my lips. “Sometimes it seems far too real, while other times it seems like a dream where I’ll wake up and be that little girl they tucked in at night. That’s when it hurts the most…because I know I’ll never actually get to wake up as that little girl with a wide smile and a heart that belonged to my daddy again.” I choked back the tears that were threatening to overtake me.

  Emily slapped her hand on the table. “How about a shot.”

  I nodded and wiped the lone tear beneath my eyelashes.

  “Hey, buddy!” she called to the bartender. “Can we get two shots of tequila?”

  “Coming right up.” He shot her a wink and pulled two shot glasses from beneath the bar.

  The two guys she’d been eyeing turned their attention to us, and broad smiles stretched across their perfectly sculpted faces. They were definitely pretty boys who most likely got their way no matter the situation at hand. But I was hoping and praying they wouldn’t get the bright idea of moseying their asses into our section.

  “Hey, fellas.” Emily waved at them.

  “Emily…” I groaned and turned my attention back to my beer.

  “What? They were staring. I couldn’t be rude.” She shrugged.

  “You promised.”

  “I know, and I’ll be good.” She saluted me. “Scouts honor.”

  “First, you don’t salute for scouts honor. And second, I don’t think it counts if you weren’t an actual scout.”

  She waved me off. “Whatever. You know what I mean.”

  I shook my head and dropped my face into my palms.

  “Two shots of tequila.” A deep, baritone voice shook me to my core.

  I lifted my face from my palms and found myself looking into a pair of whiskey-colored eyes that reminded me far too much of a pair that belonged to a man that stole a piece of my heart once before. But this man's whiskey orbs didn’t belong to him.

  “Thank you…” Emily drew out her sentence, hoping he’d drop his name.

  “Chase.”

  How convenient. Those whiskey-colored eyes just had to be accompanied by a name that starts with a C.

  “Nice to meet you, Chase. Are you new?”

  And so Emily’s games began…

  Except one little problem, the waitress bumped Chase out of the way to place our food on the table and he slipped back behind the bar with a simple yes as his response. Her game was momentarily placed on hold and I couldn’t have been more thankful.

  “Everything look okay?”

  “It looks delicious.” A genuine smile spread across my face as my stomach growled from the aroma of the food.

  “Great. Let me know if you need anything.” She headed over to the bar.

  I took a huge bite of my burger and moaned from how good it tasted. I’d completely skipped lunch without thinking about it. My mind had been elsewhere all day and with the photo problem with Stacey, the thought of food never crossed my mind.

  “No wonder he brushed me off,” Emily scoffed.

  I lifted my eyes from my plate to see what in the hell she was talking about. Her attention was toward the bar so I turned my head to find our waitress in the arms of the bartender. He gave her ass a double-handed squeeze. I couldn’t help my laughter when I looked back at Emily.

  “It’s not funny.” She looked away from the flirtatious couple.

  “It so is.” I took another bite of my burger to try and hide my amusement.

  “That should be my ass that he’s grabbing.” She groaned and picked a fry up from her plate.

  “You act like you know him or something.” I shook my head at her craziness.

  “Yeah…but I’d look better in his arms.” Emily devoured another fry.

  “You’re ridiculous.”

  “No. I need to get laid.” She sighed. “This dry spell is getting me down. My vagina is calling to the penis gods loud and clear. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

  “Maybe you need to focus on something other than getting laid.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Emily’s voice boomed.

  I slouched in my seat, hoping no one’s attention was on us.

  “Calm your tits,” I huffed.

  “These tits are not calming. Just because your vagina has been closed down for quite some time, doesn’t mean mine has to be. I like sex, and I plan to do a lot of it. Because the thought of settling down with one penis for the rest of my life is something that doesn’t register with me at the moment.”

  “You’re going to end up with the herp.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me over the rim of her glass. “I use protection, Mother.” Her last word spewed like venom from a snake.

  I’d hit a nerve.

  My hands went up in surrender. Any time Emily threw the mother card at me I knew it was time to change the subject…and that time was upon us. “I’m calling a truce.”

  A heavy sigh deflated Emily’s body as she slouched back against the booth. “I’m over this place. How ‘bout we check out the new bar a couple blocks down?”

  As much as I wanted to tell her no and take my butt home, I knew she was in a funk thanks to me. I had no choice but to say yes.

  “Sure, why not.” I planted a smile on my face and tossed some cash on the table to cover both of our bills.

  “You don’t have to pay.”

  I slid from my seat and tossed my purse strap on my shoulder. “Come on before I change my mind.” I headed for the exit without a backwards glance.

  “Yes, ma’am!”

  The happiness in her voice was worth sacrificing my sanity, but as I stepped up to the glass doors to leave, I caught sight of the false happiness dancing across my face. The tiredness and heartache swimmin
g in my once bright eyes made my heart sink back to reality. True happiness wasn’t something within my reach anymore.

  Six

  “When I think about you I touch myself…” My hands slithered down my breasts, to my stomach, and stopped on my crotch to which I cupped myself.

  My giggle fit erupted out of nowhere and the whiskey straight in my glass sloshed over the rim, splashing on the tall, dark and handsome fella whose arms were snaked around me a wee bit too tight.

  “Encore!” Emily yelled.

  My hands dropped from my crotch and went straight into the air with a wide smile spread across my face.

  “Thank you!” I bowed as the entire room cheered, which was a total of about ten people.

  “How about we go back to my place?” Brad, Bob, or Ben…whatever his name was huskily whispered into my ear as he walked me off the stage.

  The whiskey was flowing so heavily through my body that I didn’t think twice when my head nodded and my hands slipped beneath the hem of his shirt, caressing his abs. My eyes fluttered shut as he nibbled just below my ear and a soft moan passed my lips.

  “She’s going with me,” I heard him say.

  “Is that what you want?” Emily’s voice forced me to open my eyes and I smiled at the intensity in hers.

  I nodded once.

  “Are you sure?” Her eyebrows dipped low.

  I nodded a second time.

  Emily pulled me into her arms and whispered “You’re one hundred percent sure?”

  I might’ve been hellaciously drunk, but I knew exactly what she was doing. But the sensations rolling through my body each time he touched me combined with the alcohol in my veins, I needed someone to make me forget what night was upon me and help me make a new memory.

  I nodded a third time.

  Emily let me go as the guy she’d become well acquainted with throughout the night grabbed her ass like the bartender did our waitress earlier, their lips instantly found one another’s and our convo had officially ended.

  “Hey, Ben, another round?” the girl behind the bar asked.

  Ben…that’s it! I knew I was close.

  I shrugged and giggled to myself.